From There to Here: Why I Created Divorce-Curious

In this episode of the Divorce Curious Show, host Lisa Mitchell discusses her journey from being a body language and communication expert to creating Divorce Curious, a community and podcast aimed at supporting women navigating the complexities of divorce. She highlights the prevalence of divorce, particularly among women, and emphasizes the need for a supportive community where individuals can share their experiences and gain clarity. Lisa shares her personal experiences and the importance of taking active control of one's life and decisions during challenging times. The conversation serves as a call to action for those feeling lost in their relationships to seek support and empowerment.

Takeaways

• Lisa Mitchell is a body language and communication expert.
• Divorce is a prevalent issue, with many women filing for divorce.
• Women need a supportive community to share their experiences.
• Divorce Curious aims to provide resources and tools for women.
• It's important to actively participate in your life and decisions.
• Shared experiences can build connection and understanding.
• Clarity leads to confidence in decision-making.
• Complacency can lead to feelings of isolation and frustration.
• Lisa's personal journey motivates her to help others.
• Divorce Curious is a platform for empowerment and support.

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Transcript

Lisa Mitchell: This is a Divorce Curious podcast. I'm your host, Lisa Mitchell. If you're here, your life and marriage might kind of suck right now, and I've been exactly where you are. At Divorce Curious, we're going to say the quiet parts out loud. We're going to sit in the anger, confusion, and disappointment that you're feeling and talk about what it looks like to go through the before, during, and after of being divorce curious. I'm glad you're here.

Anybody who knows me knows that I've always been a yes and type of person. Some of you probably know me as a body language expert, a communications expert, somebody who worked really hard to establish myself in a very niche. An interesting space focused on body language, communication and forensic interviewing.

And I've done that. Yes. And I still do that. Yes. But there is always an and and really thinking about how can I use what I already know and what I'm already good at and Serve people in a new way was something I just had to pursue because what I was hearing and what I found myself doing was having more and more conversations with people who were at a pivot point in their relationship or their marriage.

And I, began to wonder how many more people were having this same conversation and feeling the same way and were feeling like they were in it alone or didn't have what they needed to feel good about. What is the next right thing for me? And my marriage and my relationship. So I got busy researching and listening and having more and more conversations.

And you know, a popular stat that you probably hear all the time is that in the case of divorces, 70 percent of the time, it is the woman who has to file for divorce. And 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce and 60 to 70 percent of second marriages end in divorce. And so this is just something that really is such a prevalent, prevalent challenge and topic.

And frankly, it, A really big life burden that so many people are trying to navigate and get clarity in and try to figure out, like, how do I get to a place in my marriage or out of my marriage where I like the life that I'm living every day? And there are no shortages of Instagram stories and TikTok videos of people sharing all of the ways that they are struggling to find.

Their own happiness, struggling to find a more equitable feeling and feeling a partnership in their marriage of people trying to figure out how to feel less lonely and or less like a married single mom and their marriage. It's just too big of a problem for me to not do something about based on my experience, my expertise, and the things that I know the best, which are getting the truth out of people, helping people figure out how to communicate, and being able to coach people to get really clear on what they even want their life to look and feel like.

Through this, Conversations I'm having, what I'm listening to, the research that I'm doing. It became really clear to me that women are looking for a community of people that they can say the quiet parts out loud to, that they can get perspective from, that they can learn from their stories, that they can see how they've navigated similar paths.

They really need to know that they are not alone in this process. They're also looking for resources and tools. Like I know from my own experience going through my divorce, that it's one thing to know you need to do it and it's a totally different thing to know. How to do it the amount of things I didn't know that I needed to know When I was going through my divorce like in retrospect seems insurmountable I was lucky that I am curious and I am a good researcher and i'm okay Asking my friends in my community for help and got connected to some really great resources But it really added an additional level of anxiety and fear You and stress and financial responsibility to me that I just honestly was really not prepared to handle when I decided that it was time for me to get a divorce.

So I wanted to create Divorce Curious, the, the podcast, the community, the coaching program, really to help give the perspective. Give the guidance, provide the tools, bring in experts, bring in other people that have had similar shared experiences in a way that I'm best equipped to do and make it broadly available to anybody who is at that pivot point.

In their relationship and their marriage where they really need that extra level of support and community and Basically, that's what led me to to create divorce curious and it's again. It's it's not that i'm not doing power body language It's not that i'm not doing for forensic interviewing it's not that i'm not doing keynote speaking and executive coaching and and all the things that most people already know me for that I spent so long branding myself for but You I want to use all of the years that I've spent studying communication, figuring out how to ask the right questions as a certified forensic interviewer, and coaching people, creating paths forward, and creating clarity.

I wanted to take what I've used to help other people create their life and their career in the way they want to, and use it specifically to help the women that are in this spot of needing to know, how do I feel good? About making the next right decision for me. And that's what I've done with Divorce Curious.

So having known that that's my mission and knowing how frustrated and overwhelmed and sad and angry and shame filled that people feel that are sitting here in this situation contemplating this decision, which for, for most people is going to be one of, if not the biggest, most consequential decision that they make in their life.

What can I do? How can I help? What are the ways that I can show up and be there for the people who need me most? So the Divorce Curious podcast is really aimed to educate, to create a community, to be the safe place where you can say the quiet parts out loud without worrying about judgment or being shamed or being, you know, gaslit, it.

By people who either don't understand your situation or don't wanna hear or support the situation that you're in. It's a way to find tools and to resources from experts like mediators and attorneys and therapists and. Insurance providers, just all the things that you are going to need to really collect the data points that can help you decide, you know, is this a decision I can make?

And when can I make it? And how can I be best supported as I move forward in the process? And I want Divorce Curious to be a place to find perspectives that, you know, help you feel good. About deciding the next best thing and whether that's through the podcast or through the targeted coaching program or through joining the community You're gonna be able to walk side by side with a few women who are living with the anger and the frustration And all the unknowns that come with being in this situation And if I do this well, you will feel a little less alone in the place that you find yourself.

You'll have the freedom to ask questions, to say the quiet parts out loud, and to feel what you need to feel without judgment and without shame. and without being dismissed, which is going to be the reaction that you get from a lot of your personal stakeholders, from your family, from your friends, from your neighbors, from your co workers.

Nobody's got bigger opinions than people who aren't in your situation. So Divorce Curious is going to be a place to validate the experience that you're having. You're also going to feel a lot more clear about what you actually do want for yourself. And your relationship there's no more complacency You don't get to be on autopilot anymore.

You need to be back actively participating in your life And that's what the divorce curious podcast and coaching program and community is going to help you do What happens to so many women is when they get to the point? Where they're waking up in their life every day in a place that they don't want to be anymore And a marriage that isn't fulfilling or feels lonely or isn't safe Or adds burden and responsibility to them.

When they wake up there, it's almost like they don't know how they got there. I know for me, when I got to that point, to that decision point, to the make or break, my life can't keep feeling like this anymore point, there was an element of surprise. And that I realized after doing a lot of work and getting a lot of counseling and getting really, really honest with myself, was because I had just become you.

a passive participant in my marriage and in other parts of my life. We're not going to do that at Divorce Curious. As part of this community, you are going to be actively reconnecting with yourself with what do you want? How do you want your day to feel? How do you want your relationships to look? What kind of support do you need?

You are going to be driving. You're going to be making those decisions. You're going to be doing the hard work to identify What it is you even want? So many of us just totally forget that we have the choice to decide, to have a role, to, to drive ourselves in a way that gets us to the things that we want and deserve because we have been sacrificing and abandoning ourselves for so long.

We don't even know who we are. And what we even want by the time we get here, that's part of what the divorce curious community and coaching program and podcasts are going to help you get back in control of. You're going to also gain perspectives. You're going to hear stories and lessons and tools, not just.

you know, from providers, but from women that have gone through what you're going through. There's nothing more powerful than feeling like somebody understands the experience that you're having, that the idea of shared reality builds connection, right? When you can hear your story, Or parts of your story reflected back to you by someone else who has lived something so similar.

It gives you a sense of clarity and perspective that you really can't get any other way. And that helps you build confidence. Clarity helps you build confidence. To take the action that you need to get the best outcome for yourself. And find a life. That you like being in a gut. Now, if I don't do what I'm setting out to do, or if you choose not to participate in the Divorce Curious program, And everything we're offering here, what does that look like?

Well, unfortunately, and as someone who did nothing and was complacent for far too long, I can tell you that you're gonna stay feeling stuck. You're gonna stay frustrated on a daily basis for what your marriage isn't giving to you or for what you're not having the clarity and confidence to ask for.

You're probably gonna feel pretty pissed off. Because you don't know how you got here, but the reality is, is that the marriage that you're in right now doesn't support you, doesn't support who you are today, doesn't recognize and validate the emotional needs that you have, or the physical needs that you have.

And you're going to continue to abandon yourself and what you need by denying what you feel, the real experiences that you're having, and invalidating or being complacent about the circumstances that you're in. You're going to feel more alone and isolated in your unhappiness. And what does that get you?

That negatively impacts you, your mental health, your emotional health, your physical health. There's a ton of research about the impact of loneliness, isolation, and unhappiness on all of those aspects of your life. It's going to impact the other relationships that you have. You're going to just keep isolating.

You're going to feel less supported. You're probably going to start distancing yourself from friends and family and the people that used to be there to support you because. You feel a little bit ashamed or you don't want your complacency disturbed because you're not taking action to find a life you like waking up in.

You're not advocating for yourself. You're remaining to live in a situation where your feelings and needs don't matter. Just aren't important and frankly your resentment for your spouse is gonna continue to grow and fester And that's only gonna lead to more conflict possibly to more danger and Definitely to more unhappiness for both of you and your children if you have them, you know The thing that's really driving me to do this because let's be honest like I don't need to build something else Like, I have a lot of offerings.

I have a lot of ways that I'm using my voice, and I'm using my coaching ability, and I'm using my forensic interviewing experience, and I'm, I'm using my abilities and skills under a lot of other products, a lot of other brands, and for a lot of other people's benefits. But I can't not do this. And I'll tell you why.

Because if I can be honest with you, I have been running from this for a long time. Thank you. Because it's not necessarily a fun topic to dedicate. My time to it's it's not something that is easy to do it's not something that necessarily is going to feel really good to be working on every day to be in these heartbreaking, angry, frustrating trenches with people that need it, but I can't not do it because I keep thinking back to what would have been different for me when I was going through my divorce.

Thanks. Bye. Had I had what I'm creating now with the Divorce Curious community, and for me, it would have made all the difference. Had I had a podcast that spoke exactly to what I was dealing with, had I had a community of people and their stories and their experiences and access to the tools that helped them get through it.

Had I had a coach. And had I had a group of people that could really help me, first of all, figure out what the hell I even want for myself now, because I had been totally lost for so long. And then that could have given me actionable, like real actionable steps. And plans and processes and tools that could help move me out of the place I hated waking up into every day and into a place where I actually felt in control, that I felt happy, that I felt seen and heard in, it would have made that period of my life so completely different.

And so much better. I would have been able to make decisions quicker. I mean, the number of things I just didn't feel like I could make decisions on, I mean, everything from separating to actually filing the paperwork, to thinking about how my life needed to look and feel, where I needed to live, who I needed to have around, what types of services and supports I needed.

I could have felt so much better about making those decisions if I had had the type of support and tools and guidance that Divorce Curious is offering now. I could have made decisions quicker. I would have been more confident in it. I can tell you that feeling less lonely through the process of divorce, is something I would do almost anything, almost anything, to create a community around me while I was getting divorced.

It was, to date, the loneliest part of my life. Aside from one friend who was going through a very similar thing in a similar time frame, I didn't really have anybody in my life that could Be on this ride with me. I didn't have a lot of people in my life that had been divorced. I come from a very conservative Christian family where divorce just isn't a thing.

I came from a church community where divorce wasn't supported and people who got divorced weren't supported. I came from neighbors and friends that didn't want their complacency disturbed. And their unhappy marriage is examined by my decision to change my situation and pursue a divorce. It was honestly the loneliest time.

And add in being a single mom of a young child. I mean, honestly, it's hard for me to talk about because my family meant well. My, my friends tried to relate, but I think there's just, there's no way to really connect. Thanks. Thanks. And really support somebody unless you understand the pain that they are in, the confusion that they're feeling, the shame that's coming from what they're doing, the uncertainty of having to set up life again in a totally new way.

Sometimes that means physically moving, sometimes it means moving in with family, which I did for a short period. It's just not things that you feel proud or excited to share with people, and most people honestly don't want to hear about it. So if I had had a community of people and a community of resources that can be there with me, raising their hand, saying, Yes, yes, I know exactly what that feels like.

I understand what you're going through. And then having the bonus of perspective and tools from their experience and their expertise of like, oh, by the way, I'm not just going to have empathy for you. I'm actually going to have tools and resources and ways to help you and people to refer you to that can answer your questions and offer you hope of what life can look like for you on the other side of this terrible, dark, heartbreaking, frustrating, just.

Absolute cluster that you find yourself looking at or living in or coming out the other side of it would have helped me feel so much braver throughout the entire process if I had had the support and the resource of something like Divorce Curious. So I had to do it. It's one of those call it a divine assignment.

It was one of those divine assignments. That I have the honor and the responsibility to create, facilitate, and make available for the women just like me. Because I'm not special, and I'm not different. And I realize maybe at first glance it doesn't make any sense. That I would be going from standing on stages, Sharing the power of body language and how to connect and the communication game plans and high consequence conversations and all the corporate training that I've done, it might not make sense to go from that to creating what I've created with the Divorce Curious podcast and coaching program and community, but to me, it's just the next best way for me to use all of my experiences and unique skills, To serve the people I really care about and that I want to empower and help to find.

The next best decision for themselves. I hope you'll join me by connecting with me in whatever way feels best to you. You can join by subscribing to the Divorce Curious podcast, anywhere that you get your podcasts. You can join the divorcecurioushelp. com community, subscribing to my newsletter. You can find me on YouTube, you can follow me on social media, at Divorce Curious Help on Instagram, TikTok, you can like the Divorce Curious Facebook page, it's really up to you, but here's what I hope.

I hope for yourself. Or if you know someone who is going through the process of waking up to a marriage that they no longer want to be in, or they aren't sure if they want to be in it anymore and just need some clarity and support, I hope that you will share it with them. And lastly, I want to hear your story and I want to connect to help you personally.

You can message me or DM me directly on any of the platforms I mentioned before, or you can email me directly at lisa at divorcecurioushelp. com. This is your marriage, your journey, and ultimately your life. And my sincere hope for you is that you'll do whatever you need to do to make it one you love waking up in every day.

And I'd be honored to help you figure out how.